My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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