You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
