you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
