just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
