hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize