Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
