I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize