I wish my penis had an off switch
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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