it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You left your phone here
Wait...
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