May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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