maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
