If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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