I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
