I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You are a genius and a whore.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
