is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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