my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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