Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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