Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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