So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
