I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
