I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
