life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
