he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We left an ass print on the piano.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
