just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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