I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
