Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
