i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize