No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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