She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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