I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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