You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
