walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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