May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
