hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
