when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
