I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
