So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
