I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
