ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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