hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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