ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
