it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
