Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
