Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
