Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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