dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
