i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
