This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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