How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i already hear my dad disowning me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
