I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
