I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
