Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
