my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
