two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize