I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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