i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
