Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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