We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
People in love make me want to vomit
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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