i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
