You smell like a Billy Joel song
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
