Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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