So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
