She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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