On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
