yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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