he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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