I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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