I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Text me some of your sweat
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
