He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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