I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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