end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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