That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
